Ok...Laser Treatments Hurt, But the Granny Stockings are Worse

Here's what you must know before getting your veins zapped (and it has nothing to do with the procedure itself):

1. Get a professional fitting for your support hose.
2. Expect crazy hand cramps from yanking on your support hose.
3. No booze, no hot showers and no aspirin, yada, yada, yada for 5 days. *You can take Tylenol for your crazy hand pain from yanking on support hose.)
4. Oh, yes, get a professional fitting for your support hose.

I made it through the laser zapping pretty well. It did hurt, but I endured for about 20 minutes. Some areas hurt worse than others, but it all hurt. I numbed up as best I could with LMX (some over-the-counter lidocaine), used the squeezy thing, and tried to distract myself with the latest Martha Stewart Living magazine. I couldn't really read it, just flipped pages quickly or let my eyes jump all over the page. I vaguely remember suggestions of soup bowls from real pumpkins or gourds and re-purposing your grandmother's tatting.

Anyway, when it's done, you have to get into your medical-grade support hose (full panty style, thank you) within an hour. I knew I'd be picking up my three kids and making lunch, so I went ahead and put them on in the treatment room (which itself is a comedy skit waiting to happen). If I had known then what I know now I would have relished the hour of no-stocking freedom.

I will sum up the 24 hours after with this... make sure you get professionally fitted for your support hose before zapping. Otherwise you will waste your money (and it's crazy money for these things, like $35-95 depending on what you have to go with) and worse, you'll make yourself sick (like unable to catch your breath, nauseated, massive crazy hand cramps). You'll also have to drag your children with you to the medical supply store to get your ankle, calf, thigh and hips measured the next day when you realize you can't possibly wear these things another minute.

So two pairs of support hose later and $100 poorer, I've made it to Day 4. Have to do it 3, but 5 is better. Even though my new pair is gloriously better than the gut busters I had on the first day and a half, they're no fun. It's like wearing a tight sweater inside your pantyhose. Or maybe like wrapping Ace bandages around yourself and then putting on saggy pantyhose. I don't know how they manage to be both tight and slippy and the same time, but they do.

Anyway the upside is the hose are so distracting that you never even think about the treated vein locations. They do not hurt, they didn't blister, only some bruising in one area and that isn't even bothering me, and my legs already look noticeably better. I wonder if it will once I take these hideous hose off, which will be in about 1 hour. You can somewhat ignore them sitting around the house, but I've worn them to 2 appointments, church, clothes shopping for daughters, and on last night's date night. I'm heading over to a winery where my husband plays music outside, and there is no way I can take these anymore.

Oh, I get to do this all over again in 10 days. They're going to zap the areas we didn't get to before. But I can tell you that knowing what a pain in the tush the stockings are, I'll be able to put up with whatever zapping they can dish out.

I think I get to wear my new $73 stockings on a field trip...yipee!